I used to be a Superhero

WonderWomen

There are a great many advantages to having treated bi-polar II, or if you’re in my same mental health camp let’s call it bi-polar as well. The foremost being that I no longer suffer from suicidal thoughts. I know this is huge and would not be where I am today without medications, self-care, self-love, “the rooms” and therapy.

An over-haul of my thoughts and perceptions was needed, because in addition to being an alcoholic I am a workaholic. Accepting that I was a workaholic was much harder than the alcoholism, or even my mental health status. I had very high expectations for myself, which although I could never meet due to the depression that comes after the mania, I really did not want to give up my Wonder Woman status. I basked in the accolades I received for doing too much. Raise a son as a single mom without accepting help, work full-time and go to graduate school? Yes, I did that. And when someone would revel in my success, ask “How do you do it all?”, I would smile and say “I am a Wonder Woman.”

So in 2013 when I was told by my medical team that I could not work for a year, and saw an occupational therapist because I was forced to learn to schedule self-care, I was devastated. Even though a week prior I did not want to live at all because I could not keep up the Wonder Woman facade.

Being a mere mortal is hard. I have to put my big girl panties on one leg at a time, like everybody else. But I would not trade where I am today for that 200 pound WW on my chest. I had it right that Halloween when I was four. We all are Wonder Women, despite what we do or what we have achieved.

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7 thoughts on “I used to be a Superhero

  1. The thing about being a workaholic is that our culture TOTALLY VALIDATES it. I think this is really dangerous. It puts those of us who are workaholics in constant danger of burnout, and it makes those of us who aren’t feel as if we’re never doing enough because we most certainly have coworkers who are workaholics to whom our supervisors are comparing us. (And yes, I used “us” for both because I feel like a vacillate between the two. When I have a lot on my plate, I get so caught up in work that I “forget” what I did with myself when I wasn’t working once things finally slow down. This is a scary place that I do not like to be.) I think one of the biggest issues with American culture is our love affair with work.

    Liked by 1 person

    • After I wrote this, I read Week 10 “Recovering a Sense of Protection” which has a section on Workaholism. It’s 4 pages long, but I had to read it separately from the rest of the chapter. It’s still such a “sore spot” for me. It made me realize I need to read my daily meditations for “Women who do too much” again. It is such a slippery slope to slip under because out society applauds it.

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  2. Pingback: NahBlahPostMore?! My first week, my first roundup. | Sober & Single in Med City

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