Dating. Isn’t it ironic?

“Dating is so exciting!” she said, ironically. And by ironic I mean the definition which states “the use of words to express something other than, and especially, the opposite of the literal meaning” (Merriam-Webster). I have found that there are as many types of dates as there are forms of irony (dramatic, Socratic, tragic); exciting just has not been in the mix lately.

It was exciting in the beginning of the dating experiment with the first man I dated; a year after a tumultuous three year relationship had ended. He was all charm. It was summer and everything was warm, fresh and new. We had so much in common; music, recovery…..well just music and recovery. But at the time it seemed perfect. Things rushed along quick. So fast that I asked for things to slow down a bit. And they did; to a grinding halt.

The need for slowing down came from that voice within saying “something’s not right here” and “Watch out! You’re co-dependent!”  It went from talking and texting a few times a day to absolutely no correspondence. That was not what I meant by slowing down. And I thought I was bi-polar! It drove me to that “what did I do wrong” and “what if he was the one” crazy-making shame spiral. Until I realized he was a toolbox. With a whole bunch of destructive tools. Excitement has its downfalls.

I’ve dated three guys on exactly three dates since then. None of the dates were what I’d call exciting. All three men are “normies” in the addiction world, but of course no human being is normal.

I’m partial to the first, who we will call “Bass”. He’s five years older than I, has all his hair, and is pleasing to my eyes. We have a lot in common. He’s a sound and light engineer, and I was a sound designer and have run light and sound boards. He plays bass in a band; I like to date guys who play bass in bands. He has a very busy outer life; I have a very busy inner life. We have only been able to date once. Our second date was to be on Halloween but I had Ebola the common cold. As I said he is busy, and we only have talked on the phone a few times in the past few weeks. We will go to a movie this Friday. Unless I die or am put in quarantine before then (that was sarcasm, irony’s cousin).

The second man we will call “Misogynist”. Worst. Date. Ever. But it was coffee at 11 a.m. and I was clear, but not rude, that we would not be dating again. The third date was today, again at a coffee shop. We’ll call him “just joe”. He was fine, but we had nothing to say to each other after an hour passed. Exciting it was not. Was not bad either. Just was.

So I am looking forward to my Friday date with Bass. He’s different from the others because I feel this calm come over me when we are together or on the phone. Our first date lasted three hours filled mostly with talk. Thrills are not necessary any longer. I am a bi-polar recovering alcoholic who has created all sorts of excitement. As well as chaos. And destruction.

When people hear I’m going out on a date I usually hear “Good for You” or “How Exciting”. Since October it has yet to be exciting, and two out of three times has not even felt good. However, calmness has its charm. I’m unsure if I am going to continue dating other men or just stick with Bass. I may find out on Friday, because dating is so exciting!

<a href=””>Oh, The Irony</a>


5 thoughts on “Dating. Isn’t it ironic?

    • I’m surprisingly not terrified any more, but it’s become a chore. There’s this part of me that thinks “you should keep dating or you might become co-dependent on another person again”. But that thinker is full of poppycock. Things are going at a snails pace with Bass. At the rate we’re going, it might be months before we kiss. I’m happy with myself. My world won’t end if Bass ends up being another toolbox, or simply incompatible. I’m tired of dating.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Dating: isn’t it platonic? Have fun – if you run out of things to say – say Good Bye and Good Luck. If he is a dud – you probably should should have discovered that in one of the two phone calls you exchanged… Before meeting in public. Life is short..don’t waste in on dead-end dates. Have fun

    Liked by 1 person

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