Slipping Sideways

My reaction to situations is the only thing I have control over. Knowing this in my head does not always translate into knowing it in my gut and heart. I do not have control over other people, places and things, nor can other people or institutions control me. Today I was faced with a “problem” I’ve faced monthly for the last six months. One where a person in my life is unhappy about the same situation beyond their, or my, control, yet every month this person creates a chaos spiral about this state of affairs.

It is not a problem at all, but an inconvenience, one which no one has any control over. Yet this blame game is played monthly. It’s Einstein’s definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. Living with this person and this inconvenience can cause me to slip sideways; to no longer see the situation straight on but look at it on my back, defeated, and be either pissed-off or think I can solve the “problem”.

But slipping sideways is a reaction; one which will eventually lead me to a bottle if I am not careful. It is at times like these that I get myself to a meeting, spend lots of time repeating my favorite Buddhist prayer, and listen to my “Zen” music channel. And stay the hell away from this person and their chaos spiral. I must accept that this “problem” will continue monthly, and know that it is beyond my control. Slipping sideways, buying into this person’s chaos of their own creation, is not an option. If I slip sideways on a monthly basis, I eventually will lose both my sobriety and sanity.

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