Today I feel physically ill as well as mentally off. A bit of a chicken vs egg dilemma. Did I go from high to low because I am getting a cold or did I get this cold because I have psychologically dipped into the depths of my disease.
I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow morning. I worked an hour and a half from home today but do not know if I can do much more. At least not today.
The thought of faking mental wellness around others is as tiring as the act itself, which is why I don’t want to physically go to work.
This disease is conniving. Last week I felt invincible- getting all my tasks done at super human speed. Asking for additional assignments. But at the same time finding it impossible to concentrate for more than four hours on work.
This week I feel a failure. Unable to concentrate at all. Barley able to return emails, and unable to fake professionalism on the phone.
Bi-polar for me is going from Wonder Woman to a Dickens’s wretched street urchin in a day.